The Year That Wasn't
A divulge Of The Zany Stories You Never Heard About
The Year That Wasn't
It's no inexpressive that the hard-working "journalists" in today's American media are the world's most approved - providing, of course, that we're talking about dissemination of the progressive political agenda. Journalism, as such, is now below the mainstream media and has been outsourced to knuckleheads like me.
So here's a look back at some zany highlights from 2011 - stories you never heard, and which, agreeing to the media and the government, never well happened.
January - President Obama stubs his toe on a bureau in a West Wing hallway. He blames his predecessor, of course, claiming no one could've known how badly things had been left (including furniture).
February - Global warming causes a huge snow storm that shuts down the east coast. The whole government is stuck at the airport and doesn't get back to work until June.
March - With the government unable to intervene, the economy recovers somewhat, from "abysmal" to "wrecked-up pretty good."
April - President Obama fluffs a bunker shot, leaving the ball in the trap, and pointing out that George W. Bush had messed golf up so badly nobody can play it.
May - Navy Seals finally track down Osama Bin Laden. They bow and apologize to him on profit of the current administration, then shoot him on profit of the previous one.
June - The Arab Spring is in full bloom. The Muslim Brotherhood takes over large swaths of the Middle East, vowing that they will ensure Obama carries Algeria, Libya, Egypt, and Syria in 2012.
July - President Obama's Bastille Day celebration is wrecked when the first lady dresses him down for leaving the cap off the toothpaste. Official inexpressive assistance investigation concludes the culprit was well Bush, or maybe a global conspiracy.
August - Speaking of caps, Congress and the White House assault a deal to eliminate the debt ceiling and replace it with acoustic drop-down tiles with recessed lighting. Zero jobs are created; no one dares start or run a business.
September - In the 37th radical transformation of 2011, "Win The Future" becomes "Pass This Bill Now." Obama supporters praise the president in rallies throughout the tri-county area, and are pleased at how much easier it is to find a parking spot than it was in 2008.
October - Republicans settle on a candidate to oppose Obama in 2012: it's a used toaster they found at a carport sale in Memphis. Media downplays early polls that show the toaster with a double-digit lead.
November - The president praises "the community," for which Thanksgiving Day has all the time been celebrated.
December - Ebenezer Scrooge throws his hat in the Gop ring - media downplays early polls showing him leading the toaster by 24 points (and the president by 40). Obama blames Bush.
Again, officially, none of this well happened. But 2011 was a fun year, no doubt, and here's wishing 2012 brings more smiles to your face. It's an determination year. If you don't laugh, you'll go nuts.
By Michael D. Hume, M.S.
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